Looking back on July 23 Years Ago. A Baby Is Born.

OK.....rundown: labor ALL day 23 years ago. I left work early, then called my publisher and told him to get the sub editor there as I felt to crappy to come back until after I had the baby. (due date was 4 more weeks) So.....I laid  on the couch with THE WORST BACKACHE EVER....and complained. I finally went to bed at 11pm and at 11:15 pm I was like OH GEEZ I WET THE BED. NO. My water BROKE. (this is why you GO to those classes, I didn't go to)
. I was in LABOR all that time, first baby...thought labor was in THE FRONT. oops. THE DADDY....had to take a shower, and SHAVE.......shave, really? He did. OMG...I was almost dying I was in so much pain and he.took.a.shower.and.shaved. i coulda walked to the hospital. However....they had blacktopped our parking lot and our truck was down the street (and we lived on the second story of an apartment building) So....he is all fired up, terrified, goofy, thinkin like a man....and said (omg, this still makes me laugh out loud) he didn't say that....he said............'Lin...DO NOT go down the steps'. I asked why. He said "The baby might FALL OUT". I said: (squint your eyes here and stick your head out like a chicken....) I said.............'FALL, FALL? FALL OUT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? FALL.OUT?'
(I was NOT laughing then) He said "OF COURSE I AM''. OMG. Then...he said....'Don't move, I'll get the truck.' He left. he came back...I'm bent over the couch trying not to rip the sucker (couch not man) in half SO MUCH PAIN) He came in the door and said "WHERE IS THE (nasty word) TRUCK?''. me: Ah....Hon, it's down the street REEEEEEEEEEEMEEEEEEEMBERRRRRRRRRR.......RE.MEM.BBBBERRRR. ??????? So soon to be DADDY say...'Oh....ya...right. Ah, ya. Okay.". (I'm ready to pick up the couch and toss it at him) He says..."DO NOT MOVE". (I'm a beached whale and you are worried about me moving????? ) HOWEVER.....10 minutes went by and NO DADDY MAN.........so....I walked down the steps to the first floor and went outside looking for the crazed man.....so there he is....sort of just standing there. "Where have you been?"
Me: WaITiNG FOR YOU''.
HIM: 'I TOLD YOU NOT to WALK down the STAIRS'.
Me: It's okay, go to the top, pick up the babies (ha ha) and LETS TAKE THEM TO THE HOSPITAL''.
He almost fell over me racing to the top of the steps. OMG. I laughed so hard I was sure that baby would fall out.
He came down and gave me super dirty look and said......"Not funny".
???? It was TO ME!!!
So he helped me get my fat belly into the truck asking really strange questions I ignored and we drove the LONGEST 2 miles on earth to the hospital..........were I gave birth to a smashingly beautiful baby girl at 3 a.m. AND NOT without some very interesting and hilarious incidents. But some things are better left 'unshared'